How to Know When It’s Time to Rethink Your Definition of Success

For a long time I thought I was doing it right.

I had the impressive title, the full calendar, the track record of solving what no one else could. I hit every target, exceeded every expectation, and made things happen where others faltered.

I was the go-to fixer aka the FUF (F-up Fixer).

I wore it like a badge of honour…

until the badge got too heavy to carry.

And yet, despite all the gold stars, I found myself yelling at my family over background noise on a work call.

Not my finest moment.

I wasn’t just overworked, I had become someone I didn’t like. The tension wasn’t just in my schedule; it was in my body, my relationships, my identity.

That moment - mid-shouting match, hearing laughter in the background and feeling nothing but irritation - was a wake-up call. I realised I wasn’t just burning myself out. I was draining the joy out of the people I love.

When Success Stops Feeling Like Success

In high-performance environments, success often becomes synonymous with output: deliverables, ratings, targets, impressions. But somewhere along the line, the stretch targets that used to motivate me started to feel destructive.

I loved a challenge, that’s what kept me going for years. But eventually, I realised I was stuck in a loop: doing more, fixing more, proving more… but feeling less and less connected to the why. The cracks started to show - in my leadership team, in the system, and eventually, in me.

My health declined: insomnia, heart palpitations, stress-fuelled takeout habits, and zero energy. I was constantly frustrated - with leadership that didn’t understand what was happening on the ground, with team members who needed more than I had left to give, and ultimately with myself.

Then, the question came:“Why am I doing this to myself?”

The Old Definition

My old definition of success was loud and shiny. It meant:

• Being the last woman standing.

• Impressing the right people.

• Holding it all together while quietly falling apart.

• Fixing everything and everyone, including what wasn’t mine to fix.

• Never, ever letting anyone see me rest. (Because rest was lazy, right?)

My identity: Intimidating. Impressive. Secretly Exhausted.

I was so frustrated that I cried in a meeting with my boss’s boss’s boss (and I don’t cry at work – ever). I tried to rationalise it, but it was the beginning of the end,  the final straw I couldn’t ignore.

Redefining Success

Letting go of that version of myself was terrifying. Resigning was one thing, but posting about the new me on LinkedIn? That felt like standing naked in the town square. (Spoiler: it wasn’t. Everyone was lovely.)

The fear was real, but it was wildly overblown. What I found on the other side was freedom.

Freedom to rest, to think, to be. Freedom to design a life where impact isn’t measured by how many emergencies I resolve, but by how aligned I feel while making a difference.

Today, success is:

• Being value-driven and ambitious -  not performative and exhausted.

• Having time freedom.

• Creating real impact through coaching and board advisory conversations that fuel others and me.

• Laughing more.

• Feeling joy, not just chasing outcomes.

I meditate, I breathe, I check in with myself. And in doing so, I’ve re-met a version of me I hadn’t seen in years.

What I See in My Clients

High-performing women often carry similar stories.

They’re perfectionists, goal-focused, deeply capable -  and often secretly struggling. They’re caught in a version of success they didn’t define, hitting KPIs and ticking boxes that no longer align with who they are or what they want.

When I coach them, we start by stripping back the noise. We get clear on what truly matters to them. We identify what gives them energy, what they want to contribute, and how they want to feel while doing it.

Because here’s the truth: If your success requires you to abandon your health, your joy, or your self-worth…It’s time for a new definition.

Your Turn

If any of this sounds familiar, let me offer the question that helped me the most:

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

And if the answer doesn’t feel true to you, maybe it’s time to reimagine what success looks like. On your terms.

You’re not weak for being tired.

You’re not ungrateful for wanting more ease.

You’re not broken.

You’re just ready for something different.

And that might be the most successful thing you ever do.