Boundaries Aren’t One-and-Done: Why Even Strong Women Have Blind Spots

Happy International Dog Day!

I consider myself pretty good at boundaries.

Enneagram 5 here 🙋🏽‍♀️.

Sidebar: If you haven't done your Enneagram, I highly recommend...

With work, I’ve built the muscle: I protect my time, my focus, and my energy. I know what’s mine to carry, and what’s not.

But I'm learning (continuously) that boundaries aren’t a one-and-done skill.

They’re situational.

They’re messy.

And sometimes, they catch us off guard in the places we least expect.

Recently, I was spending time with a new friend. On paper, they ticked all the boxes: funny, caring, intelligent, similar mindset.

But in reality, the dynamic was draining.

They ended up taking more than they gave, and before long I felt my energy depleting and resentment bubbling up.

It pains me to admit it, but I let it slide.

For a little while anyway.

I rationalised the red flags.

I told myself they didn’t know any better.

That maybe I wasn’t communicating clearly.

That maybe I was being “too rigid.”

What I was really doing was not trusting my gut.

Because instincts always know.

Work. Family. Relationships. Friendships.

Our bodies register the truth long before our minds allow us to.

It took a serious line being crossed before I finally walked away.

And in hindsight, it seemed so obvious - all the little moments I’d ignored.

This was a reminder I needed:

Boundaries are a constant work-in-progress. It's a continuous check-in with ourselves on what's working and what isn't. It's noticing when we want to avoid something or someone, and asking ourselves what that means, instead of just brushing it aside.

Blind spots happen, especially in personal spaces where we want to see the best in people. The trick is noticing what’s draining energy or causing friction before it festers.

Because nothing is worth your peace.

Boundaries are a practice in every arena of life. And like any practice, the more we pay attention, the stronger we get.

Reflection for you: Where are your boundaries strong, and where might you have blind spots?