How Coaching Helped Me Build Confidence (and Stop Burning Out in Silence)

My leadership team sent me to coaching because I was ‘impatient.’

I called it efficiency. The coach called it burnout.

Let me take you back to the moment I realised something wasn’t quite right.

On the outside, things looked fine. I had the title, the team, the workload (oh, did I have the workload).

But inside, I was frustrated.

Easily irritated, short on patience, especially with my team. I started to feel like I was constantly pushing against something, but I couldn’t quite name it.

So when my leadership team "suggested" coaching, it felt like an intervention, with no way to refuse. "Let’s get Shelley some support," they said. Translation: “Please stop scowling at everyone in meetings.”

Fair enough.

Coaching, Round One: The Frustration Filter

My first coach helped me realise that what I was experiencing wasn’t just a bad mood. I was heading towards burnout. Fast. I’d been running on empty, thinking that exhaustion and frustration were just part of being a ‘strong leader’. Turns out, they weren’t.

That first coaching engagement was the crack in the door. The beginning of a different way to lead. And more importantly, a different way to be. In hindsight, it was my first real lesson in energy management, a leadership competency I now believe is essential for sustainability, especially at board and executive level.

Coaching, Round Two: Permission to Want More

My second coach gave me something I didn’t know I was missing: permission.

Permission to want something different.

Permission to ask for it.

Permission to stop contorting myself to fit a version of leadership that didn’t feel like mine.

I remember saying, “But isn’t this just what’s expected?” And she replied, “Expected by whom, exactly?” It was one of those moments where everything pauses.

That conversation helped me develop the kind of self-awareness and clarity that, quite frankly, should be mandatory in senior leadership. If we’re shaping strategy, stewarding resources, and influencing culture, we need to know where we stand and why.

Coaching, Round Three: The Deep Work

Then came the self-awareness stage.

My coach took me through exercises that felt more like therapy than leadership development. I discovered parts of myself I’d long filed away as “not relevant for work.”

Turns out, they were very relevant.

I began to reconnect with what I was good at, not just what I was expected to do. I started making career decisions based on alignment, not obligation. That shift helped me tune into my values - something that now forms the foundation of how I assess opportunities, risks, and long-term impact.

Coaching, Round Four: After the Exit

By the time I left my role (yes, I resigned - with clarity and peace), my final coach helped me process the afterburn of burnout. That strange space where you feel relief and grief in equal measure.

He held space for the messy, beautiful rebuild. For the moments where I second-guessed myself. For the days I felt like I should bounce back faster.

At every stage, I gave myself permission.

To feel it.

To change it.

To choose again.

What Confidence Really Looked Like

Confidence didn’t arrive in a flash of brilliance. It wasn’t a TED Talk moment or a perfectly executed strategy.

It came in small ways:

• Speaking up even when my voice shook

• Saying “This isn’t working for me anymore” without apology

• Backing myself, even when others weren’t quite sure yet

Yes, coaching gave me tools. But more than that, it gave me courage. The kind of courage needed when your decisions carry weight beyond your own role - when they shape teams, culture, and long-term direction. The kind boards expect and require.

If You're Feeling It Too

If you're in leadership and feeling stretched thin, stuck in a role that no longer fits, or quietly burning out while trying to hold it all together - I see you.

And coaching can help you find your way back to you.

At Glimmer Coaching & Consulting, we work with you to rebuild confidence, reclaim energy, and lead from a place that’s sustainable and powerful.

You don’t have to wait until you’re on the brink.

You’re allowed to want more.

You’re allowed to feel tired.

And you’re absolutely allowed to ask for support.