I used to think my inner critic was the voice of reason. Turns out, she’s just a drama queen with a good vocabulary.
She's loud, persistent, and weirdly well-informed about my insecurities.
And we all have one of her.
I call her the Duchess of Doubt (aka Didi). She casts shadows of doubt on dreams and confidence, but she does it tactfully elegantly (so she's earned a title).
If you’ve ever set your sights on something meaningful (be it a new role, a bold idea, or simply a different way of showing up) you’ll know the voice I’m talking about. The one that whispers, “You’re not ready,” or, “Who do you think you are?” That persistent, sometimes paralysing, inner critic.
For years, I believed my inner critic was a sign that I wasn’t enough. I thought I had to silence her completely to move forward. But over time, I’ve learnt that she isn’t something to banish; Didi is someone to understand and work with, rather than against.
Here’s how I do it:
1. I Notice the Narrative
The first step is awareness. I try to catch myself when Didi starts up. Instead of letting her run wild in the background, I pause and listen. What exactly is she saying? Is she worried about failing, about looking foolish, or about disappointing someone? Naming the fear takes away some of its power.
2. I Get Curious, Not Judgemental
Rather than berating myself for having doubts, I try to understand where it's coming from. Is this an old story, or a real risk? Sometimes, Didi is trying to protect me from disappointment. Then I remind myself that growth and comfort rarely go hand-in-hand.
3. I Challenge the Evidence
I ask myself: What evidence do I have that this thought is true? More often than not, I find I’m holding myself to impossible standards that I would never expect of others. I try to reframe the narrative. What would I say to a friend or coaching client in this situation? That’s usually the voice I need to hear.
4. I Take Small Steps (even if it's scary)
The best antidote to self-doubt is action. I don’t wait to feel 100% confident; I take a small step anyway. Each time I do, Didi's voice gets a little quieter, and my confidence grows.
5. I Practise Self-Compassion
Finally, I remind myself that everyone has a Didi. She’s a sign that I care deeply about what I’m doing. I try to meet her with kindness and patience, knowing that courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s moving forward despite it.
Quieting Didi is an ongoing practice, not a destination. Some days, she's louder than others. But each time I choose curiosity over judgement, action over avoidance, and compassion over criticism, I reclaim a little more of my own power.
If you’re wrestling with your own Didi, know that you’re not alone. That inner critical voice doesn’t have to get the final say.
