Why So Many High-Performing Women Are Secretly Struggling (And Why It Has Nothing To Do With Weakness)

On the surface, we’ve got it together.

Professional presence? Polished.

Project delivery? On time and under pressure.

Leadership? Strategic, visible, responsible.

But behind the scenes, many high-performing women are quietly falling apart.

And no one sees it.

Not even us.

We’ve spent so long performing at a high level that the cracks feel normal. Expected, even. And because we’re “strong,” we keep going.

Until we can’t.

The Silent Signals

Before my own burnout, the signs were there, but I brushed them off.

I was sleeping less than 4 hours a night.
My body felt like it had been in a wrestling match with anxiety.
I beat myself up for the smallest feedback, terrified it meant I wasn’t good enough.
I felt like a fraud, always one sentence away from being “found out.”
Joy? I assumed I just wasn’t the joyful type. Maybe I was just a really serious person.

I normalised the exhaustion.

Rationalised the stress.

Told myself, “This is what a senior role is. You’re supposed to be this tired.”

But I was constantly chasing perfection, holding myself to impossible standards, and hiding how much I was struggling because admitting it felt like failure.

What We Don’t Say Out Loud

In my coaching work now, I see it everywhere: brilliant, ambitious women white-knuckling their way through impossible standards - both spoken and unspoken.

We strive to:

Hit the KPIs.
Lead the team.
Support our families.
Be calm under pressure.
Be the grown-up in the room.
And never, ever ask for help.

We do it all, and quietly blame ourselves when it starts to break us.

We’ve internalised the idea that we should be able to handle it. That if we’re struggling, we’re weak.

So we hide it.

We get quieter.

More brittle.

We wear a smile while privately wondering how long we can keep it together.

It’s not weakness. It’s misaligned expectations. It’s over-functioning.

And it’s everywhere.

The Culture Problem

Corporate culture rarely leaves room for nuance. We measure success in black-and-white numbers. We celebrate resilience, but quietly penalise vulnerability. There’s no space to ask, “Is this pace sustainable?” or “Is this still the right path?”

And so we keep pushing.

We ignore the whisper that says, “This doesn’t feel right anymore,” and we focus on the next deliverable, the next review cycle, the next box to tick.

What Needs to Change (and What You Can Start With)

We don’t need fixing. The system does.

But in the meantime, we need to reclaim some personal power.

Here’s what I wish I’d known earlier, and what I now help my clients embrace: